I have learned a lot in the course of having a baby. My first big lesson was that even though it seems like a good idea to have a plan, whether it be a birth plan, breastfeeding plan, plan for keeping up with the housework, or any kind of plan, it is a better idea to remain flexible. Okay, check. I've got that one.
The next big lesson I have yet to learn. It is this: How do I tell the difference between what are my own personal hang-ups and what is reality? The biggest example of this is our sleeping situation. My daughter does not care for sleep. Never has. She would prefer to nurse, chat, wiggle, squirm, play. Anything but sleep. Part of that could be our fault. We nurtured her love for nursing and I nursed on demand for the first year. Also our parenting practices thus far have been mostly in the "No-Cry" camp. We have done a little cry it out, and it helped get over a really frustrating pre-bed/nap routine (our daughter can now get herself to sleep without much help from us). But the current problem is and always has been frequent night-waking. The most obvious solution seems to be a regimen of night-weaning and crying-it-out-in-her-bed, the thought of which elicits a pang of guilt in my core. If I could just isolate that guilt and dissect it, I think it would really help to strengthen my convictions about which camp deserves my allegiance. I have always said that no matter what my own personal issues, I want Madeline to be raised with a clean slate (or as clean a slate as possible). I don't want my irrational fears to hold her back or to define who she becomes. On the other hand, I have read a lot about how it is natural and normal for babies in many cultures to co-sleep and nurse throughout the night for at least the first three years of life. I know firsthand that nursing round the clock is my daughter's idea of bliss. She can (and often does) wake up 5 times in one night to nurse and doesn't seem to be any worse for the wear the following day. (The same cannot be said for me...I drag). There is a huge part of me that loves the idea of letting this phase in her life play out until its natural end...I like to imagine that doing this will help her to fully grow and mature emotionally without artificial obstacles being thrown in her path. As if my stopping it will somehow throw a wrench in her development.
I also know that I truly l0ve having her sleep next to me...not because I sleep better, because God knows I do not. But I feel very insecure when she sleeps in her room, away from me. Here is where my issues enter. Which of these factors is the driving force behind my hesitance to enter the next phase? Do I really believe that by enforcing cry-it-out, Madeline's emotional health will be stunted? After all, she is almost 18 months old now. Her every need and want has been met for a year and a half, and now it is time for Mommy to sleep. Is nursing through the night really a need, or is it a crutch? If it is a crutch, so what? It's a healthy one. I am not one for removing a crutch on principle if there is no harm to having the crutch. But whose crutch is it? Mine or hers? Just because I know she will be "fine" after night weaning and crying it out doesn't mean that it is the right thing to do. Despite hardships in my childhood, I am now "fine"...doesn't mean I want to impose my upbringing on anyone else, simply because it can be survived. So what now?
No comments:
Post a Comment