Another baby step for me

Talk about feeling slightly defeated. My sister-in-law informed me today that her 7-month old is sleeping 12 hours at night now that they have let her cry it out. Apparently, Baby S is sleeping soundly and waking up happy, and momma sounds well-rested and, well, elated.

Why do I feel slightly defeated? Your guess is as good as mine. I am happy for them that they are getting rest at night, but I guess the thought that Baby S was turning out to have similar night waking issues to Madeline was a validation to me. If it's in the family (as in, hereditary), then I don't have control over it and I can finally relax and stop trying to defend myself and my choices so much.

I have struggled with this issue of cry it out versus letting M nurse on demand for too many months now. I have not had the heart or the desire to let her cry it out, but I lack the courage of my convictions to launch a solid defense of our current practice of co-sleeping and nursing on demand. Seeing Baby S respond to cry it out so well isolates me again. It leaves me feeling helpless to defend myself against those of my friends and family who like to say "Kelly you have absolutely lost your mind. You have to let that baby cry it out or else she will never learn how to sleep independently." Or worse is the person who says nothing at all because there is all that empty silence to fill and guessing as to what the person is thinking (do they approve or not approve and why do I care so much??) All this matters because everyone always wants to know if Madeline is sleeping yet...and more importantly, if I am sleeping yet. The answer is and has been for months, the same: "(Yawn)...No, not yet."


But this is just another mini-lesson in the bigger lesson that I have been trying to learn and internalize for a while now. My choices are just that - mine. Nobody else's (except for my husband's, who is thankfully 100% in agreement with me on this issue). I don't need anyone else's approval and I don't need to recruit others to our side. The fact that I feel the ceaseless urge for that deserves further psychoanalysis. But not today.